my best friend tried to rape me with a pineapple
I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
I just put anything in between my legs and hope for the best.
We ran out of things to say while we were playing Never Have I Ever so we started playing I Have Done This... Have You?
im sitting in the back of my pickup eating an artichoke. please come find me, im scared.
that was a mass text, wasnt it?
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
i just bought plan b at the bus station. happy holidays and welcome to a new level of white trashiness.
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
So I was about the only one NOT pregaming or stoned at my aunt's funeral... Maybe thats why I'm the black sheep.
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
How can I politely yet provocatively ask you for a cock shot?
My roommates call me "Queen of the Skanks" I guess that means I've had a successful first month of college.
You're too young to have this sort of Grizzled Old Drunk In Roadside Bar wisdom.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize
