I couldn't deal, she's a vegetarian. Every woman should like a little meat in their mouths.
ii just google-imaged 'sad turtle' and maggie gyllenhaal only came up once. what is the world coming to?
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
Clearly I understand physics better when I'm on cocaine
I thought he wouldn't talk to me again. You know, what's that saying "why buy the cow when you can fuck it six hours after meeting"
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
I used to be terrified of what was under your bed until I passed out there last night. Now it just feels like home.
When were you at my house?
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Wanna have a sleepover and take me to court in the morning?
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
I was just told I’m pretty enough to be a catfish. This made me so happy...
he just kept biting everyone and singing hilary duff songs. i can't even bring him to a gas station.
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