During sex he started singing that song in Forgetting Sarah Marshall--"Inside of You"--by Russell Brand
Two things. 1 - I want to apologize for my drunkeness last night. 2 - I want to pre-apologize for my anticipated drunkeness tonight.
You're going to have to buy me a lot of drinks before the bee suit goes on...
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Come on. I'll make you hot pockets. Literally and sexually.
also found a pic of my head in the microwave from the other night.. hmm
I was going to make out with him...then he licked syrup off the kitchen floor.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Panda onesie. Pizza. Netflix. Wrapped up like a burrito. Screw you guys and your cute relationships THIS IS WHAT INFINITE HAPPINESS TASTES LIKE
Reasonably certain my seventh grade teacher is encouraging me to drop acid on twitter
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
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