In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
I just masturbated mid-day, thinking of you
I think that is one of the most romantic things I have ever heard from a fuck buddy on v-day, there is a strong possibility that you will soon be my girlfriend.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
You were running around yelling "BUKAKE!" and squirting people with a shampoo bottle you found. Total shitshow.
I don't think the best pickup line was. Hey I have never made a girl orgasm before but I'm sure it will work on someone like you.
I think that's the first time Navy dress blues and a Ninja Turtles onesie have been involved in the same makeout.
You drunkenly hook up with 5 people in one night and suddenly everyone tries to party with you.
The lady at the Humaine Society gave me her nephew's number because I seem like a loving and caring person.
Does she know that each time you've adopted a new cat in the past year it's because some guy stopped fucking you and you don't want to eat your feelings?
idk man, I was fucked up and eating fried rice at the grocery store, tried to wave at her but she just looked concerned at me.
maybe i should limp back to therapy...
oh yeah will you also bring home vodka i wanna do shots on the roof
Don't let me pee the bed... Its going to be one of those weekends
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