Where the fuck is Rob at, he hasnt answered his phone in like 2 weeks.
Dude Rob died 2 weeks ago wtf?
Holy shit r u serious? How?
Just kidding, but im pretty sure he boned your gf and doesnt want to talk to you.
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
I found her under my bed eating airplane pretzels.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Her only article of clothing is an American Flag
I have enough bourbon in me to put Justin's cat in the dishwasher.
I just remembered I did the whole byebyebye dance at the bar
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
I knocked over his glass and he yelled "Oh no the boxed wine!" and slurped it off the coffee table. Then he showed me how to mix maple syrup, Jameson, and coffee. My family is better than your family.
You need a new phone. When you talk it sounds like the teacher from Peanuts while she's trying to give a blowjob.
yeah....try hearing them in person. it sounds like two muppets going at it
3 hour lecture of my biology teacher talking about isotopes and space shuttles. I'm way too high for this.
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