I realized today that the only reason you made out with Travis is because he has nice teeth
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
Please, do not let 'babydaddy' catch on as your petname for me.
I thought I broke my iPhone. I was almost as depressed as the day I broke my vibrator.
woke up to the trail of sugar cubes leading to my bed........was i that uncooperative last night
Just paid my credit card bill at the bar. This phone makes it so I never have to leave
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
So I'm thinking about sending him some "sorry I almost peed on your computer" cookies. Thoughts?
Directions to your booty call: go down the part of Route 66 that has all the car dealerships, motels and bad decisions, go past the Christian college and turn left at the Children's Center.
She doesn't even know his real name...he just keeps calling himself Hans the Third
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
My mom has tinder, she is 45 and has her age setting at 18-29. And she still gets more matches than me
That time of your life is like a blur to me. There was churches, car fucking, and conservatives
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
Randomize
