just peed in the tub, threw it on Megan.. she threw more back, I got out and threw toilet water on her.. forecast for tomorrow? pink eye.
i said she could sleep in my bed and she goes "iiiiiiii warned you. iiiiim a cuddlerrrrrr!" slightly regretting this..
He scratched off my spray tan. Literal nail marks down my back. Can't imagine what's underneath his fingernails.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
So I just crossed my legs and I was like what is this lump on my leg? Oooh its my underwear from last time I wore these jeans...
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Oh wow and I have a bunch of portable wine glasses called to go coffee cups
Don't worry my mom is buying me a vasectomy for Christmas
He left me alone in a hotel room my last night in town to go home to jerk off and watch TV. So yeah, I guess we're not really friends.
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
Randomize
