I skipped work to stalk him.
I wonder if she has a lisp when she orgasms...
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
you spent the like half the night trying to figure out the puzzles on the back of the captn crunch box
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
I'm gonna have sex with my clothes on and I'll know everyone there so I'll be in my comfort zone
There are panties and mini bottles of Fireball in my purse. Except for the broken toe incident, I'd say last night was probably a success.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
There is maybe 10 hours out of any given day we aren't sober.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Just packed vodka and spare underwear into my purse- totally set for watching the hockey with him tonight
i just woke up on the desk in his dorm with him snoring in my vagina. better than last week waking up to a different guy puking on my bare ass i guess.
I don't mean to alarm you but are the strongest testicles in the family. I just learned I can lift 90 lb with my balls! Beat that.
Randomize
