You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
started her walk of shame as my mom and dad walked through my common room door...my dad held the door for her and told her to have a nice day
i spent 45 minuets spilling my heart out to him telling him i was in love with this other guy sorry. when i was done he asked me to give him a blow job. i did. i have commitment problems
i was thoroughly upset that he did not want to be my number 16, who passes that number up?
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
Being at this stripclub only reinforces how single I am. And I was *just* becoming okay with that.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
good news: i got laid. bad news: by your boyfriend
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
I never thought I'd be complaining about having sex 4 times a day, but here we are...
Randomize
