at a bar and heard one girl tell another her tampon string was showing she goes i dont want it in anymore anyways. then proceeds to pull out her tampon in the middle of the bar and leave it on a plate. ewwww
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Going to bed. I have to wake up early and teach small children. And then have affairs with their fathers. I'm going to get deported.
well... just scaled a wall and entered the bar through the balcony. just making some last minute memories nbd.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Well girls crying gets you hard so you're not really a good standard to me
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
I've shit my pants 4 times in 12 hours... Never trust a fart when u pass 30
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
We play beat the clock every morning. When the alarm goes off, she hits snooze and drops her panties. If I can't finish in time to beat the snooze, she jumps in the shower and I've gotta jerk off.
HE'S BRINGING FRIED MAC AND CHEESE BITES. I GET FRIED MAC AND CHEESE AND SEX PEOPLE. BEST WEDNESDAY EVER.
I'M CUDDLING WITH MY CAT AND THAT GUY SENT ME A DICK PIC. UNANNOUNCED DICK PICS ARE TERRIFYING AND MY CAT WILL NEVER BE THE SAME
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
My orgasm happened in two different decades
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
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