Let's hear it for middle of the street handjobs ladies and gentlemen
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
Hey, this is Travis. I just so intelligently deduced that I am in a college dorm somewhere in western oregon. Probably WOU, based on the process of elimination.
You know how the doctor said I need to stop being vegan unless I find a way to get more protein? There's protein in beer. The doctor wants me to drink more beer.
They switched jackets and you didn't notice. You made out with both of them and had no idea
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
Now I just sit back and wait to give ass birth to pure evil.
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
I really prefer to do my walks of shame in the summer
And he put his penis in my face and I back handed it away.
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