we were both hunting dick last night. it ended terribly for both of us.
I would rather wake up to a truck driver than wake up to her
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
the fact that he forgave me for making out with the bartender is proof that i can fuck my way out of anything.
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
After a certain blood-alcohol level, the dog is in charge.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
Friend date it is then. Question: Can friends engage in sexual activities after dates?
I had to make out with him. He bought me a few drinks and he was an Angels fan. As a Yankee fan that was my way of saying good game and sorry we beat the shit out of you
I really want to throw this drink in your face but it was 6 dollars that shits expensive
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
If you can't seal the deal with her, I will. And you know I'll be successful. So there's your incentive
I've spent my afternoon dipping strawberries in DayQuil if that's any indication of where I'm at in life.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
Randomize
