i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
aaaannd alcoholism beats pride. it's like grown-up rock, paper, scissors
I definitely didn't wake up this morning thinking "i wanna get gang banged today"
i just got cockblocked by a guy drinking wine straight out of the bottle with a straw...
come on down! you are the next contestant on the night is drunk!
Watching the gap toothed girl get more ass than me is almost devastating.
You do realize that we got a stripper to do the YMCA for us on the main stage... Right?
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I don't trust myself to shower and not drown.
I rather not break my neck. It's hard to look sexy with a neck cast.
Not sure how my purse ended up in the bushes last night... Or why there was a noodle strainer in the toilet.
I turned on Elf, made myself a mojito, and am eating one of a sleeve of Ritz. You tell me if I wanna go out tonight.
the funny thing was, all i remember was a liter of vodka and going to oneonta for the night. then 2 weeks later bam, i get a letter banning me from campus for the next 4 years. awesome convorsation with my dad to wake up to.
Randomize
