So J keeps drinking his last bit of drink, then spitting it out and drinks it again. Savor the flavor?
i woke up to 115 texts from him all saying "do you love me??"
She threw up all over when she was giving me dome. Not even gonna lie, it felt really good.
She was so drunk yelling at me in my driveway to fuck her. It was the ghetto version of Romeo and Juliet.
stop changing my ringtone to people fucking, it looks bad at work
some people wear their heart on their sleeve but you just wear your vagina on your face.
after he fucked me and not his girlfriend, i told him to be a gentleman and close his eyes as i ran to the bathroom naked. so sweet.
your definition of "gentleman" is so absurd.
I had to do a class evaluation today & the girl beside me didn't fill in any bubbles she just wrote in huge letters RETIRE across the whole sheet
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
She just pored wine down the turkeys hole and said that she christened it like the whore that it is...happy thanksgiving.
You screamed at oncoming traffic , "five dollars to punch this guy in taint!".
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
