He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
wait can you just look around please? that was my favorite bra and i've already asked like 3 other guys
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
Someone's having a good night if they're getting gummi bears and Astroglide.
How was your 8:30 class today?
Non existent. I just threw up in my water bottle on the bus.
He wrote on the paper that he wanted a "Ptitty burreto" from taco bell...when we ordered it the girl paused and entered "Potatoe burrieto"....we laughed
You know you're an adult when you break 100 to get 75 cents, to buy a condom from a bar vending machine in South Boston.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
Are you feeling okay?
Right now, not a single thing feels even slightly okay. That hungover.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
It's okay that we broke up and all but it's not okay that he still has my Chick-fil-A calendar card. This month is free fries!
I supernannyed him into submission
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
Randomize
