Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just gave a homeless man a kiss in exchange for two handles
exact location. now.
I got tired of walking to the bathroom that I decided to throw up in a cup. I now have 3 cups full of vomit on top of my mini fridge
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
Either I need to stop bringing you back to my apt or I need to stop buying ikea furniture
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I swear with his long flowing hair and god-like body he looked like Jesus, a bong hitting Jesus
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
who orders an old fashioned in 2014? even my Grandparents think you're an asshole.
He did 5 five hand stand push ups and took off his shirt for a barbarian flex. Some girl took off her shirt and threw it at him
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
Well, I can now cross "dirty drunk homeless hobo" off of my bucket list of people who have been successful wingmen for me. North Carolina is getting weird.
You aaa... you ever forget to wipe your ass?
Randomize
