I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
Just hooked up with a girl I met in line at Taco Bell. I told you leave me to do my own thing and I'll get it in
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
Why not. Its my b-day, you're in town, I'm in town, bars are in town, and alcohol is in town. I don't see anything not good about those things.
using the campers leftover pizza money at the bar. Definition of great counselors right here.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
Sorry was covered in semen when you texted me. Just walking back from the Harvard Club
All you needed to say was one of those sentences and the other would've been implied.
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Its 9 am & i've been cleaning for 6 hours now with occasional crying bursts and two cocktails. Adulting 101.
Had a very good bday. Have the teeth marks and bruises to prove it
You crawled into bed with Bob and started whispering to him about produce.
Randomize
