walked into a party last night, i saw 3 ex gfs standing in a circle talking to each other...that's the quickest u-turn i've ever made in my life.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
I think we should go ahead and pin a note to my shirt when we go out that says"do NOT buy me shots"
On the back we can put possible side effects may include: indiscriminate making out, brief crying spells, yelling in jibberish, and sudden sleep.
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Hey, can you come over and kill me real quick
I caught them hiding behind a car trying to have sex.
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
Sit down my child. It's time you were told of my famous loss-of-virginity story entitled, "The Penis that Never Could."
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
We should just do therapy together, clearly we have all the same issues. It's why we are friends.
I went from looking for a bong to home decor in a 10 minute span. This is what being an adult is all about!
Would you paint my ceiling for oral sex?
He just made this face while he was fucking me and he looked like the hunchback of Notre Dame, I had to stop him.
I'm classy like audry Hepburn. Chugging wine out of the bottle on the way to the club. Shed do that. I know she would.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
Randomize
