sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
Fuck him tonight for the both of us. We're still tag-teaming in spirit.
You lured him into the bathroom with a trail of jello shots, then proceeded to barricade the door with duct tape. You really should have thought that one through..
I'm a gay man planning my brothers bachelor party, and he choose someone else to be his best man. I hope they like appltinis and gay clubs. Bastard.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
I LOVE YOU SO MUCH I'M ON A WILD DICK CHASE FOR YOU. How many lesbians do YOU know that would do that? HOW MANY????
he puked all over my guest bed and the said he felt good enough to clean it up. he poured bleach all over the bed and passed out in it. he had the chemiacal burn for a month...
TOPLESS DRIVE THRU! I have no money and my dignity is at an all time low.
Gotcha. How bad is it?
Well to compare it to something I would say it what's that walls would like inside the primate exhibit at the zoo after a group of monkeys finished throwing feces at each other all afternoon
Like when your most normal sex dream is you being a prostitute, you know it's been one long ass dry spell.
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
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