just caught grandpa beating off in the living room
my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
I hope you're ready because I look like an elf on crack had a baby in the medieval era and that baby grew up to be a whore
It's like I'm the Little Bo Peep of sheparding dicks.
Only someone with your twisted mind could come up with that simile. Do you sit around and read 'How to turn Beloved Childrens Stories into Sexual Analogies?' This is the 3rd time you've done this.
You know you're wathing too much reality TV when you start adding commentary to every day life.
I remember coming home with a cat... I havent seen it all day. Shit.
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
Now in just stoned listening to my dads philosophical idea about public transit
I watched Morgan Freeman explain the existence of nothing, now I'm afraid of sub - atomic particles. these egg rolls are outstanding
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
He called out my ex's name during sex.
Alex is a pretty common unisex name.
It was the same Alex. I asked.
Randomize
