so i stopped by cvs on the way home this morning, turns out hallmark doesnt make an im sorry my friend puked on your friend card, call me if were still speaking
I don't even know how sober sex starts anymore
I don't know what's worse....that fact that my dog ate my vibrator or that he later puked it up on my bed
Lesbian chick is doing her presentation on the time she woke up on the dockside still drunk at 7 am. This is why I show up to chinese class.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
he was cradling you in his arms feeding you rum straight from the bottle and you kept sucking his fingers.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
you fail at everything in life besides blacking out
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
It was big, black, and had a smiley face tattooed on it. It was the perfect penis.
i don't know what body building stuff he's on, but his cum is basically a 5 hour energy shot.
I told my dad that he was in a band and he was all like " good job" and then he looked up the band and listened to their music and just went " oh have you disappointed me"
Had a vaginal orgasm. I feel like I made sex my bitch.
Are you alone?
No, but I have to leave him in my bed while I go on this date.
Man the amount of drugs being done at a wedding with a bunch of surgeons was disturbing
Randomize
