just when i thought things couldnt get worse, the batteries died in my vibrator.
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I want a nosebag of coke after my exam. Like what horses have. Coked up horses. No excuses. I love you.
also since I use google voice my ads in gmail switched to DUI services after this conversation
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
I'm still drunk. it's summer. I just need a hot dog and an aspirin.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
The usual, im laying out. Ipod on shuffle, Large spray bottle to cool myself of and a smaller one filled with chilled vodka. I can spray the vodka right in my mouth without even opening my eyes. THIS IS LIVING....
Whoever put the rooster in the elevator is my fucking hero. Who even thinks of that shit?
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
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