dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
I queefed so loud it echoed.
How could you not be happy? Its like "and then I found 5 dollars" but "and then I found a handle of vodka"
You told me you loved me after I brushed your teeth with my index finger.
This creepy guy was following me and i hid in the bushes. i could say i was high as an excuse but honestly it was straight up fun.
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Hey can you text me Heidi's phone number. I just stapled her mattress to the wall and I want to send her a picture of it.
His new place is a molesden. Like a hole in the ground. It's frightening how oddly private it is.
It rubs the lotion on it's foreskin...
Sitting topless in my room drinking wine from a box... It's good to be back at school
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
And our sex soundtracks thus far have been metal and Star Wars
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
just learned i can hear my fish chewing his food WHILE HES IN HIS BOWL. im going to have to call you back.
Randomize
