You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
I lost my shoes and bra and was beyond mapquesting
I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
Tell her she can't have a vagina
i told my grandma i broke up with my boyfriend. her reply " you need to play the field more anyway"
we're making bets on your personal life
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
I drove 5 hours to see her. She thanked me by getting shitfaced, inviting her boyfriend over, and making me sleep on the couch after I cooked for them and did the dishes. You're right. I'm a fucking doormat.
I'll be there. With Doritos and whisky. Don't expect much more.
I have one of those hangovers where you visualize how awesome it would be to climb in your fridge and drink glacier water
hes like bread. how could bread be dangeous
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Is eating a dinner of fishsticks and gin mean you're failing at adulthood? I'm asking for a friend.
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Randomize
