She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
The TA leading my study session just said "now get outta here. I need to get drunk before class"
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
I distinctly remember calling the anesthesiologist a "sneaky little bastard" directly to his face
I need a "closed for the season, thanks for a great summer" sign for my vagina
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
As I was throwing up blood I assured concerned onlookers that I had simply "eaten a lot of ketchup today"
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!
Look at you go. You're like the Slutty Librarian that Could. They should write children's books about you. Children's books for adults.
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
Should I tell him how he got the bruise on his ass or just enjoy his theories?
You talk the same way I hallucinate.
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
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