my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I think my favourite thing about cubicles is the fact that I can pick my nose at work
we just fucked in the mcds parking lot
wasnt he a virgin
yes we got celebratory milkshakes after
He waited til after we had sex to tell me he had herpes... Ugh I hate being drunk
Being a responsible DD does not include attempting to coordinate a 4 taxi caravan to bar #3
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
I'm reciting my presentation (beer in hand) on the porch to a snowmen audience.
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
I am literally sitting here with a jar of Nutella and a spoon, reading an article called "never drink alone again because now there's wine for cats." How single am I?
I wanted to buy shoes but nothing fit. So i'm getting a vibrator.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
Who else has a jello penis in their fridge?!
I'm licking blood from my knuckles and I still haven't found my car keys..are you in town tonight?
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
Randomize
