I am only moving my arms so I remember that I can. These brownies are wild.
we put a pacifier in your mouth because you kept drunkenly singing country music.
there seems to be a considerable amount of hair missing from my left hand. i may have lit it on fire again
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
This holiday season is going to be rough between people coming home for the holidays and the already regulars on my list I might have to clone my vagina to make sure I get everyone for all they are worth
You left wolverine marks
I'm somewhere between sorry and proud
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I think the "tmi" ship sailed a long time ago, and it took our dignities with it..
I feel like I have a very capable uterus.
I wore a bathing suit downtown so I didn't have to put on underwear, I obviously don't have my shit together
I just started talking about how noodles were so good
If I had an Australian accent I'd be unstoppable. Teach me how you talk
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