I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
just took my birth control pill with a shamrock shake. happy st. patrick's day
I dislocated my rib eating pizza. I think I am broken.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
these are times I'm glad I'm Jewish because the Torah is just like "drink, eat, and fuck"
Wait do we still get bagels if no one got laid
I know it doesn't seem right, but sometimes, bagels are just flat out called for.
I just want to emotionally destroy him but also find out how big his dick is so this is perfect
So baked. About to eat a calzone then hate fuck this guy.
THAT'S MY GIRL
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Its like he got lessons from Jesus on how to use his tongue. And his dick.
Randomize
