Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
dude i woke up to her making a statue of my morning wood for her sculpture class. HOW THE FUCK do you think i feel about her?
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
We call it lazy sex. We just lay next to each other and help each other masturbate. that way we can both be on bottom.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
I didn't pay for a single drink 'help me I'm poor' was my drink pickup line. it totally worked.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
I don't remember, but I believe your goodnight phrase was "nice meeting you, thanks for not macing me"
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
Is kiddo a correct name to call someone who you stuck your dick in?
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
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