just caught my little brother jacking off the family pet
Spencer Pratt, I WILL beat the shit out of you someday, I Promise
It's a sad day when you realize you are no longer above fucking in movie theater bathrooms.
He brought over a 20 dollar bottle of wine. Who does that? This is college.
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
He kept buying me shots of tequila. I decided to just save myself the half hour of toilet hugging and tell him straight up that I intended on sleeping with him. We got Tacos on the way home with all the money we saved.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
I made him leave at 3am, he texted me a couple minutes later and said the elevator was broken and he was sleeping in there, but he said I was worth it so I don't feel guilty
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
Sometimes you just gotta fuck a has been local celebrity for your 15 minutes.
You need to be on (or possibly create) the international emoji committee to address all of these glaring oversights
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Like your dick isn't Beyoncé, it doesn't get close ups
Dude my toilet did not deserve what I just did to it
Randomize
