I'm already going to be stripping so like pretty much you would just be watching me. Also we're watching twilight. again.
booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
I waited so long to accept his friend request that he canceled it. So I added him and when he accepted I deleted him. I wonder how long this will be funny to me
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
I wasnt going to have sex with him until i ran into his gf at chipotle. It was like the gods were saying "Go ahead. Shes already had her burrito for the day"
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
Dude, I found out having naked people in your car is a felony.. Now were all fucked.
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
I want to be your penis for a week.
valentines day is a day for loved ones to share. So me and my vibrator. Happy holidays.
My entire grocery store purchase consisted of Little Debbie snacks and Budweiser
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Randomize
