Dude, I would hit that so hard that whoever could pull me out would become the king of England
Pls don't use the words alligator, purple, and sperm in the same sentence ever again.
There is only so much cookie dough and masturbating I can handle in one night.
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
why is there a fishing net hanging from my ceiling fan?
they superglued a cigarette to my fingers...i think I need to quit smoking.
She wouldn't eat a clam- if you blow a line pregnant you can eat a clam
I snapchatted him nudes and he didn't screenshot a single one of them because he's a gentleman.
Hey, it's all about finding the bright side. And boobs are definitely a bright side.
If you're going to be single forever, you should try the quesalupas at Taco Bell.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
He literally asked permission to hit on me
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
