Think the blond can even spell "shiksa"?
I think I took your hangover as a birthday present
I cant talk about it right now or let you guess, but its something you and i would do. Kinda like that time we had the case of beer and went bowling
You hooked up with minors in a golf cart?
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
that girl from work that wants to bone me just said 'the last time i went this long without sex was in jail'. sup, red flag
This is your typical drubkba Amy test. Shout out to jisus for auto correct
im sober
you just pulled your sweatpants out of your bag and thanked them for being alive
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
i was enjoying my post acid trip trance a little too much. i found $50 on the sidewalk but didnt pick it up. just stared at the bill cuz it looked cool.
someone picked it up and i stared at the ground where it was for probably another minute or 2
I had a dream that I had to take a breathalyzer but then it turned out to be a bong....why can't that be real life?
So... I woke up on a bench with a honey bun on my chest.
i don't know man... i just want to listen to John Lennon every time i finish fucking her. is this love?
Before I go in, is 'I just got a root canal 2 hours ago' a good excuse to show up drunk to yoga class with a 6 pack? Because if not I think I need to go home.
She said her name is "Goose" and regardless of her being a lesbian, sometimes she just "needs a good dick"
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
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