I told her Billy Mays couldn't convince me to sleep with her
How do you tell someone they are only invited if they put out?
you got thrown out for pissing in a cup in the corner. you told one guy it was okay because you went to college and that he wouldn't understand
She just got out of the car and said "hold on purse.. It's going to be a bumpy ride"
She is feeding us popcorn out of her bra
I'm being fed tequila grapes by a girl on stilts...
I wasn't going to take him home until I heard "hung like a water buffalo" then curiosity got the best of me.
Romney sounds like a middle school girl and that creepy ass smile makes me want to close my blinds
Okay well we need to be adults. We're gonna end up with diabetes or some shit.
Going through my bras is like traveling back in time through my past hookups and relationships....
A few days ago I apparently came up, asked her to make me soup, and handed her a can of coconut milk.
You made out with both twins? Ten points to you!
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
We had sex last night...... This "Friends" thing is going well.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
Randomize
