If i could tip my vagina, i would.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
I am 48% hangover, 48% bruises and 2% fingers I'm texting with.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
For thanksgving we are only drinking wild turkey for the next 24hrs time to strap your balls back on and maybe a helmet
Ps we bought 8 pellet guns just now
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
Thanks again for the coffee and orgasms
Random boy motorboated me, handed me a business card congratulating me on my motorboat, winked and walked out with some other girl
Find him and marry him.
I knew how blacked out you were when you started doing that thing where you dance around and call yourself the Black Swan.
he's spending the night tonight. if i can walk straight tomorrow i'll be pissed.
I threw up all of my purple drank and thats really important
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
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