Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
the real housewives of new jersey finale is tonight. it makes me wish we had pot.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
Walked into this guys room, saw a tickle me elmo under his desk with white stains in its mouth. This is awkward.
we need to drink 2009 down the drain
his mom and I have the same butterfly tramp stamp. don't ask how that came up
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Yea, remember to blow out the fire from flaming shots. Unless you want burnt lips. Just saying, I'm an example of ignorance and intoxication.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
Dear god. Please. Please do NOT deprive yourself of dick for 90 days. Blood will spill. Wolverines will howl. I can't handle that kind of terror.
I brought ur friend Scotty home... He started rubbing my crotch then fell down and passed out in front of the microwave
So one possible side effect of women taking Viagra is that my tongue feels swollen. You having any?
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
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