dude if Megan calls say you Sis was house sitting for me yesterday , she f'n found dana's panties
Just smoked a bowl with the exterminator. I think my day is more productive.
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
College is a time for personal growth. Meaning it's time to start using those pickup lines on randos at dive bars.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
there was 'chicken suit porn' in my search history.......also 'scuba diving porn'
Yeah, tell that to my thumb. Cause it was up my ass all night waiting for you.
I swear the toilet was so cold I tried to stand up but my balls wer frozen to it. most awkward five minutes between me and my mom.
I'm excited I love mornings when I'm not sober
I just licked a piece of cheese off my phone screen if that makes you feel any better
He nailed that bed down really well so it won't break again. All I could think while he was nailing it was "challenge accepted".
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Hello! Time means nothing. Good morning! I have a vague idea of what day it is.
It is Muednethiday, March 34th, in the Year of Our Lord Joe Exotic 3099.
We're hate flirting, damnit.
Randomize
