If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
he laminated a picture of his dick.
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
I miss using glorious as an adjective. I'm gonna start doing that again. And I'm gonna try to get cuntatrosphe in there some more, too.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
you would not believe who i just fucked on my lunch break
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