Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
my head feels like I tried to put alcohol out of business last night
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
We left an ass print on the piano.
I swear if she asks me for a baby one more time I'm gonna sleep with one of her friends
Yehhhaaww I'm way ahead of you. I'm gunna get her a card that says " I'm sorry your now ex boyfriend decided to upgrade"
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
Don't you realize there's more to life than sex and pizza rolls?
The narcoleptic neighbor conked out while taking her dog out again. Drinking game based on what the dog does and how long she's out. You in?
BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
That's good. Don't want to see you bellydancing in prison for homemade wine.
I feel like 20 angels jizzed in my mouth. This cupcake is DELICIOUS!
I'm just going to tell you this I knocked up your girlfriend. I didn't mean to I thought it was somebody else I wasn't drunk but it was dark.
The truth is better her than my wife.
Randomize
