Black Friday shoppers are ridiculous. I think I just watched a marriage end.
I had fun. Till he melissa etheridged my ass and came to my window.
Now she's making me sit here and look at pictures of guys she likes who look like bears. She's calling them her bear friends.
you kept thanking chef boyardee for having pull tab cans
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
Im shrooming at the foot of a tree on top of a mountain. Feeling fly as fuckin socrates and bon iver.
Boys DO look like their dicks. Its like dogs.
I wouldn't be surprised. You and I have basically synced up our brain chemistry by doing drugs together in the same way that two girls would sync their menstrual cycles by sharing a house.
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
You made out with him a lot. Almost as much as you told everyone Paul was the zamboni guy.
Just walked by the barren window naked in a family neighborhood. Who needs dignity.
Fun fact: I came home from the riverboat without my panties. And woke up with a different pair on.
He called my IUD an IED, and said that’s why I had bomb pussy.... I didn’t correct him
Randomize
