and you said cock pushups were impossible
I never Thought the day id see a chick shove a 2liter up her vag. that happened last night
he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
hungover + watching bobsledding = i just puked
Sorry about giving you those ripped gym shorts after my dog ate your pants, but after the awkard BJ incident I didn't plan on hearing from you again
Number of twigs I found in my hair: 5
Hate you missed the after party, I was covered in dish soap gliding bare assed down a slip n slide at 6:30 this morning
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
I woke up this morning with a pop tart under my pillow with one bite eaten. Another pop tart was in the floor. No recollection whatsoever. I ate the one under my pillow for breakfast, though.
Ones vagina should not have the same slogan as a can of Pringles.
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
I am sitting in my lingerie, eating frozen cookie dough out of a bowl, and watching family. My hump day is going great
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
There is way too much butt cleavage here for a formal event.
Randomize
