Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
You get to witness red pubes. I'm almost jealous. That's like my dream.
I'm applying temporary tattoos with green beer, this is the life.
I couldn't be mad. She was crying because she fell bare ass into the rose bush trying to pee. So I held her up mid-stream and she peed on my feet. No big
No more drinking with Em. She was on the ground so much she looked like she belongs in a lifealert commercial
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Mimosa dick, like his cousin Whiskey dick, is just as ineffective but a lot more fun to be around
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I know you are gonna wanna ask a lot of questions but when we are home I need to cover your face with deli meat and photograph it
Dude, never piss off a hungover boss.
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
That 2-CB was ass.
You mean the asprin cut with pez?
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