I can't get out of the parking garage so now I'm staying downtown....Typical
And secondly i just said i'd pay ten dollars to have sex with you
Just got the orientation leader spot. For the first two days, I will be one of the best looking guys on campus. The freshman girls will be so disappointed they settled for me when everyone else comes back.
Just climbed to the top of a frozen waterfall! Do you want to do drugs tm night? The two are unrelated.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
so do you, all the weight can't fall on me. I'll befriend a ball pit owner if you will befriend a drug dealer. teamwork.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
I'll reiterate. Best drinking game ever. I shall teach it to my children's children
Would it be weird to tell him that on his b'day he's dressing up and we're having weird Jesus sex?
If a handjob meant commitment I would literally touch zero dicks
How do you keep manipulating these men into helping you?
I'm a massage therapist with an oral fixation. It's not nearly as hard as you make it out to be.
Now that it's fall I have to prepare for the imminent arrival of ripped up sweatpants shoved into folded over sequined uggs
MY GOD WHY DIDN'T I TAKE PHOTOS OF HIS CREDIT CARDS WHILE HE WAS SLEEPING
Sorry, was sleeping. I heard a rumor that I had a hangover, so I just went with it...
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