Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
I just took a bite of a bagel at school and it tasted like weed. If I am high for my test in 2 hours I'm gonna kick someones ass
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
I'm so sorry man. Roger cartwheeled into a signpost and cut his face open. it was pretty messy so we all went into panic mode.
I caught him trying to shit in her bed. I asked him why he was doing it and he said "because it's wrong."
It was like watching porn, except it was in real life, and it was starring two of your best friends.
I forgot how easy it is to have sex in public when you're wearing a dress. Thank you global warming.
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Just in case you forgot, last night you came home drunk and pissed all over my laptop. You owe me a laptop.
I need to learn how to not be a fucking liability
You offered him a “Sorry I Blew Your Brother” Blowjob. How does that make it right?
I promised him it would be better than the one I gave his brother which is really nice of me since their actually only half brothers and his brother is cuter
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