I wish I could teleport
I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
I remember why I come home for the holidays. Sam Adams is the cheapest beer in the fridge
Just scheduled a cocaine deal around my drug counsler appointment. Why yes, thank you, I do enjoy the irony that is my life.
we had a 10 minute conversation with his family about how I don't let him eat me out. I want to go home
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
APPARENTLY giving your friend one of your shoes so that you avoid the no shoes no service rule makes you drunk...
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
This ER has an aquarium in it!!!
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
I woke up to a gigantic ft-long tootsie roll and a note by drunk me with the words "you're welcome"
Listen, all I’m saying is, if you’re lying naked next to a hot chick, you don’t start discussing dental hygiene.
Just saw you run by my class yelling "fuck you!". Good luck and stay human!
She’s a Vegas 8, which makes her an Oklahoma 27
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