yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
They said "my eyes made me look intoxicated" ......we harassed them all night and we called the cops and told them that the bouncer that kicked us out was selling meth in the club ...and then we went to wendys
I just speedwalked down the broken metro escalator while high. Basically all my worst fears combined
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
Apparently 151 is to me what spinach is to popeye.
he legitimately fell asleep standing up at the club. everyone was impressed
Lightning struck the tree right outside of her window as I came inside her. I think its God's way of saying go by plan b.
I woke up tied to my bed while she was in the corner staring at me while eating cereal. Interesting night!
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
Sometimes I actually rage on Tuesday, come back, and do homework drunk and pull an all nighter.
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
I made him watch the first 5 episodes of Game of Thrones before I decided to sleep with him.
you never keep up with shots anymore
I'm trying to be more responsible these days
you fucking tried to take your pants off and pee in Taco Bell's parking lot
you were trying to drink the laundry detergent and yelling blue drankkkkk
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