Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
Its like I was sleeping with a kid. His gum fell into my hair while sleeping and he just wanted to cuddle.
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I am at 2.05 miles in under 11 minutes. So either this thing is broke or I should always work out wasted.
So I woke up in a strange bed with a note taped to my arm giving me directions back to my brothers apartment.
I'm going on a new diet. It's called the "eat healthy otherwise boys won't want to have sex with your fat ass" diet. Wish me luck.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
Well I just finished dry heaving so I think breakfast is a little further out for me
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
Hey, how are you?
No. You're dead to me, you hamster stealing slutbag.
The true debate: do I prioritize going to bed and getting more than six hours of sleep or do I prioritize washing out various grease, leaf bits, and jizz out of my hair
Woke up naked with a post-it that said "don't ask questions" on my ass...i know im not supposed to ask but uhm what did I do?
Randomize
