I'm at a work party and I don't know how to drink socially. You know, like slow?
Let's just say he looked at my vagina like it was a rubics cube.
i just overheard a girl at the next table saying she gave up sex for lent
don't you ever do that...
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
DON'T BE A PUSSY. ONLY 1/3 OF THE WORDS IN YOUR LAST TEXT WERE MISSPELLED, WHICH MEANS YOU NEED 2/3 MORE SHOTS.
So i do have strep. My apologies to the british guy from this weekend. You now have one more reason to hate america
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
Her car is covered in frozen vomit, and she lost her iPhone. I'm also pretty sure I smoked crack last night. Rest in peace 2014.
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I also tried to hide a bottle of vodka in a build a bear last night so that something that happened in my life
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Why do so many fanfic writers want to see hockey players get pregnant?
Randomize
