I love the "adulterer" look on you. It's hot.
Its part of my fall instant classic line.
Woke up with a retainer in my boxers and about ten chicks passed out around me. now I feel like something out of Cinderella, trying to find whose teeth fit in the glass retainer.
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She's like a pop up book from hell.
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
we ran out of cups so i finished the night drinking out of a paint can.
Just helped a homeless man panhandle outside of Wawa, made him $6.31. Where are you?
I found the bottle of ketchup and sobe you tried to hide in the middle of the lawn last night
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
I don't care who you bring as long as they are fun and not a cop
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
Despite breaking my phone, thumb, and my dignity, last night was pretty good.
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
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