So I walked out of my room and there was my brother....standing naked
The guy in front of me in line at Starbucks looks kinda like Danica Patrick except he has a huge boner.
the roller ball on my blackberry is the closest i've come to touching a clit in 2 years.
there's nothing like watching the sun rise at the library alone on a friday morning to make you want to kill yourself.
I don't really want to explain to you right now but i just ate laundry detergent
his mom cheated on his dad so i think he has a weird freudian thing for whores
Happiness is the polar opposite of catching your dad watching holiday themed porn
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
I apologize for violently hooking up with her in front of you in the jacuzzi last night.
Well I can't go home with anyone tonight bc I stuffed my bra
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
He chose me to be his birthday sex..theres a lot of pressure riding on this bang
I wrote notes to myself all over my body. "don't yell at cops again" "Cody stole your phone" "you kissed Cody" "vodka shots are bad for your liver" and "cactus pretty" WTF????
Randomize
