Holy cold harsh reality of sobriety batman
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
His sister just told me that she thinks i'm a stupid bitch and that by going thru with this I'm ruining his life.
sounds like a hell of a rehearsal dinner
There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
how was ur day?
this is strictly sexting don't make small talk.
Currently bleeding through my leggings. Not good. Not good at all.
Hospital.
I am invincible.
Very excited! Vodka will be shot, dicks will be ridden, and memories made.
When I woke up my bed had been moved to the middle of my living room, a hippie was spooning me on one side and a pile of cocaine on the other, did I go through a time warp or are we still in 2012?
I am walking funny today. And it's sad because it's from the bad encounter with the sidewalk rather than a good encounter with a stripper
I'm just saying; the box truck will cost less then dorms or rent, and we can always crash where the party is.
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
Would you consider masturbating to Hocus Pocus an adulthood high or low?
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
Sorry I totally pulled a home invasion on you last night
That was super inconsiderate of me
I have decided that I would still fuck Harrison Ford even though he is old as fuck now. Do you think it would kill him?
Most likely. But I bet he'd do a bang up job of it before he died.
He absolutely would.
Randomize
