Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
and by charming I mean he has a horse cock.
Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
Sudue. BIG CUP LOTS OF NOMNOMD TUOSPY
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
And then I asked the bartender for my third shot and he told me he had to cut me off at two because this was in fact a family fun center
trapped on the roof of the strip club. help
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
Me: 10% human, 90% poor drunken life choices.
you put your keys in the fridge so you wouldn't forget your yoohoo
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
I’ve officially bought the ticket for my future dick appointment 😂
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