I'll forget this but out at 4am with a lesbian model at lil waynes bday party for the record
Nope, didn't see her. We left when you told us you were going to make the " big beef burrito supreme" even more supreme and you took your dick out.
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
so today I found out that she used to be a he....
are you gonna get a divorce?
decided to have an easter egg hunt this year. the golden egg has weed in it and all the others have shots of vodka. who said we were too old for easter?!?
The Masters... another excuse to excessivly start drinking by 1
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
So squirting runs in the family.
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
If you happen to tell anybody my drunk story in the near future, please refrain from telling them about me shitting myself. People are getting the wrong idea and random people are messaging me on Facebook making fun of me for that
You slammed your forties down on the table and yelled "I AM EDWARD FORTYHANDS" then mumbled something about repping Idaho like a champ and laid down on the couch.
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Best single mom victory - getting eaten out in my dodge caravan in the hospital parkade at midnight.Three words: screaming multiple orgasms.
Randomize
